While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you, because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest t.i.t.s.
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!")
Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow: Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumem Bambara - M'bi fe Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee) Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Catalan - T'estimo Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Chinese Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a Mandarin - Wo ai ni Comanche - U kamakutu nu (pronounced oo----ka-ma-koo-too-----nu) -- Thx Tony Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Cree - Kisakihitin Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien) Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore Frisian - Ik hald fan dy Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort Georgian - Mikvarhar German - Ich liebe dich Greek - S'agapo Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe Hebrew To female - "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female) To male - "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female) Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae Hmong - Kuv hlub koj Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian - Szeretlek Icelandic - Eg elska tig Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu Inuit - Negligevapse Irish - Taim i' ngra leat Italian - Ti amo Japanese - Aishiteru or Anata ga daisuki desu Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka Kiswahili - Nakupenda Konkani - Tu magel moga cho Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida Latin - Te amo Latvian - Es tevi miilu Lebanese - Bahibak Lithuanian - Tave myliu Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gaer Macedonian - Te Sakam Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu Maltese - Inhobbok Marathi - Me tula prem karto Mohawk - Kanbhik Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl - Ni mits neki Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni Ndebele - Niyakutanda Norwegian Bokmaal - Jeg elsker deg Nyonrsk - Eg elskar deg Pandacan - Syota na kita!! Pangasinan - Inaru Taka Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo Persian - Doo-set daaram Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay Polish - Kocham Ciebie Portuguese - Eu te amo Romanian - Te iubesc Russian - Ya tebya liubliu Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian - Volim te Setswana - Ke a go rata Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You') Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux - Techihhila Slovak - Lu`bim ta Slovenian - Ljubim te Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo Swahili - Ninapenda wewe Swedish - Jag alskar dig Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di Surinam - Mi lobi joe Tagalog - Mahal kita Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai To female - Phom rak khun To male - Chan rak khun Informal - Rak te Tunisian - Ha eh bak Turkish - Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese To female - Anh ye^u em To male - Em ye^u anh Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh Yoruba - Mo ni fe Zazi - Ezhele hezdege Zuni - Tom ho' ichema
My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me Remember that BEFORE you get me.
2.Give me time to understand what you want from me.
3.Place your trust in me. It is crucial to my well-being.
4.Don't be angry with me for long, & don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, entertainment & friends. I have only YOU.
5.Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice.
6.Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget.
7.Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite & scratch and I really don't want to do that.
8.Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right foods or I've been out in the sun too long or my heart is getting old and weak.
9.Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old one day.
10.Go with me on difficult journeys. NEVER say, "I can't bear to watch, or let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if YOU are there.
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store.
He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."
The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff."
The wife's face goes blank.
"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!!!!
1. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
2. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
3. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
4. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
5. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
6. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
7. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Grafton Street and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
8. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
9. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her." Dad: "That happens in every country, son!"
10. A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: WIFE WANTED. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
11. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
12. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
13. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
14. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
15. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
16. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
17. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"
18. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."